Sunday, September 25

Splurge

I finally did it;

I conformed, and bought an iphone4.

So basically, from now until forever, I shall be well and truly, broke.


I make the homeless look rich.

I love it, absoultely love it. So pretty, and shiney and new. Oh please don't break!!



***

Nothing is working for me today. My net is lagging, skins wouldn't load, pottermore is "overloaded" and my phone won't send/receive anything! (Thankyou Virgin!)

Perhaps the universe is telling me to start my bail application. Law is being such a drag lately.




Oh procrastination, why you plague me so?

Wednesday, September 21

Sunday, September 18

Re: An interview with someone far more interesting than myself

A practice exercise for journalism, interview someone in the class that you weren’t “friends” with. I like that my lecturer thinks I actually have “friends”. A practice exercise for the “real deal”, practicing in an attempted to get published or exposure or something. Anyway, naturally I decided to procrastinate from said journalism assignment (posted below) by discussing this practice exercise.

To be quite frank, it scared the hell out of me. You see, doing a double degree, I am split in two. I am half as motivated, driven and successful I feel, as my colleagues doing just one degree. This person that I interviewed, it doing so much better than I, hell, the guy sitting next to me stoned off his face has a better clue about the industry than I do.

I have no connections. In either field. Both parents strictly financial, I feel rather lost attempted to forge my own path.

I feel I am not achieving or succeeding in the sightliest. This mindset being my worst enemy, feeding the twin demons of procrastination and sluggishness. And in this inacomplishment I feel empty, alone, depressed even.

How can I be so far behind?

For example, this boy, let’s call him Louie, already has a job directly in the industry, he already has his dream job. Another, let’s call her Margaret, has been contacted by a publishing company regarding a book she wants to write.

Are you fucking kidding me?


I don’t want be another suburban housewife fading into the dusty shadows; I want to be covered in glitter, shining so bright in the spotlight, that it burns peoples fucking corneas out just attempting to look in my direction.

Wednesday, September 14

Local news fail?

Calls to fast track road developments to ease the squeeze on local roads

You only have to mention the words “Narellan Road” and motorists will cringe. The congestion and grid lock has been described by Camden’s major, Greg Warren as the “Bane of motorists.”

Residents did receive a glimmer of hope, that the day to day traffic congestion would soon be eased. With the release of last week’s state budget, the Camden populace was pleased to see funding going into much needed road infrastructure. Yet, despite welcoming the developments, Warren argues that the “least” the state government can do is fast track the developments. Residents are fed up and tired of waiting. A review of the road simply is not enough.

“I’d like to ease the squeeze as quickly as possible.”

This change has all come about after years of complaints and frustration voiced from locals as they’ve watched the area develop without vital infrastructure, many applauding that some action has finally been taken, despite a lack the of a commandment date.

Currans Hill resident, Amy McKee, stated the Macarthur reign was defiantly feeling the strain on its resources, and welcomes the developments, particularly to local Narellan Road. “It’s not uncommon for me to spend 40 minutes in traffic, just to reach the F5. It’s an absolute nightmare”

Warren agrees, claiming it’s truly “remarkable”, the time it can take to travel Narellan road, since it’s less than 10km’s in length. Now we just need to see the work fast tracked.
Warren also encourages residents to visit the website www.saferoadsnws.com.au to voice concerns of the40km/h school zone on Narellan road.

Roads minister Duncan Gay said it was a way in which the government planned to “remove the frustration for motorists”. And that he was keen to see the road undergo a review, next March.

MP Chris Patterson described the school zone as a nuisance to commuters, stating that “there are 40,000 motorists a day who would like to see it reviewed.” Calling for the entrance of the school to be relocated, it’s all about improving flow and safety. This being the “first step in the process which will enable work to begin... infrastructure is the way to encourage and grow our economy.”

Catherine field’s resident and 2nd year UWS Medical student, Dean Zinghini agrees, “Macarthur is such a fast growing areas, with all the new developments going in, I don’t know how the area’s infrastructure, particularly roads, will be able to cope with such a fast population increase. Especially with expansion of UWS, delays for commuters are sure to be more frequent and extended.”

This all adds to the air of apprehension and uncertainty in the future as residents can see the mass boom in population and the pressure this is placing on its resources. This is not an issue which can be ignored.

This is not the time for procrastination.

Tuesday, September 13

Word vomit.

Too tired to think, Too tired to do anything.
I feel like I cant cope lately. Everythings falling to pieces and
Im trying my best to hold it together as it all crumbles before my eyes.
Drowning in a sea of things, problems, people.



Im fine. Really, Everything's just peachy.

Sunday, September 11

Friday, September 9

Current Lusts:

1. Mac Mineralised skin finish in Rose Quartz
2. “G” Harajuki Perfume
3. Mac “Rebel” Lipstick
4. LancĂ´me’s hypnose Doll Eyes Mascara
5. Ipad
6. Sleek Blushes
7. Another piercing or something somewhat
8. Falls festival tickets

Thursday, September 8

Define Sane



I wrote this over a year ago, I was never really sure whether to publish it. It’s one of those things that are never quite perfect; you're never 100% happy with it. Tired of it sitting in my drafts file, I spent yet another sleepless night reworking something that really, in the great scheme of things, isn’t really important.

However, I feel mental illness is particularly neglected, people thing, what do they have to complain about? I think it goes much deeper than that, to the extend where sufferers, fight and struggle within themselves to admit they need help.



Afraid perhaps that no one will answer.

Please, just tell someone,

Anyone.




Women and Philosophy, I don’t think the two mix very well. Not saying that women shouldn’t be educated or that men aren’t sensitive. Women I feel, just already tend to think quite a bit more. And it can become a dangerous thing.

Aside from it being, basically an interesting waste of time in today’s society. It seems, to particularly lead to premature death in women, romantic, melodramic but nevertheless,

death.


Sylvia Plath who wrote 'the blood jet is poetry' was inextricably connected to her poems, the more she put into them, the more it pulled from her, and BAM! Head in an oven, dead.

I blame philosophy, well more particularly in the form of poetry. The more women think, the close they come to death. The Sylvia Plath effect- secretly or even openly, as soon as you have a taste of the work of this remarkable woman you will be hooked on every word she speaks. Also the misinterpretation of these ideas may have something to do with it.

I am not kidding it should be an actual disorder. The Plath syndrome.

Seriously.


I recently finished her only novel, The Bell Jar, written beautifully, as always I may add.
Moving it was, to say the least, it gives an insight into mental illness, unlike anything I’ve ever experienced, something like the novel the Catcher in the Rye; however this one does not make you depressed just by reading it.


“I want to be important. By being different. And these girls are all the same.”


She just hits a nerve. The saddest thing about suicide, perhaps, is the unfulfilled potential. The forgotten people left behind... Children, family, lovers.


Caged by their minds. We all are, to some extent, victims of this.
Virginia Woolf? Great theologist, great feminist. Manically depressed? Perhaps... whatever the reason may be, she stacked her dress with rocks and passionately drowned in a river.
Hegel- ignorance of mind cages humans. Just as little is seen in pure light as in pure darkness.
Key to the cage, we are all trapped inside our minds.
Human reason as a means to seek truth is delusional; we are all prisoners of language.






Ah insecurities, they affect us all don’t they?

Saturday, September 3

Sleep Procrastination



The thing you do when you know you are supposed to be doing something... like an assignment or three.

Quite suddenly you are extremely tired and BAM!

Sleep procrastination.
You can't stress over not doing things that you're not aware of right?

Friday, September 2

Jellybean







Dedicated to one of my newest friends.






You are the reason I dont let people read my blog.



Or journal in public.






STOP LAUGHING AND ME!






But keep making me laugh



and smile



and keeping me entertained in fairly dull subjects :)






Awkward-ness

The moment when you can't even answer ONE question on your practice exam..

Rather, you spent 90 minutes re-writting the questions (so you look like you know something), writing possible blog posts, staring at the wall, and playing hangman.

Perhaps I should pay more attention, I mean its week five, and clearly I havent learnt a thing.


Maths, science, law, logic. *mind blown* WHY DEAR GOD WHY DOES THIS SUBJECT EXIST!?



20 things i'd rather be doing...

1. sleeping
2. organising my mess of a life
3. eating jelly beans
4. kissing boys - then crying over it.
5. painting my nails
6. stabing myself in the eye.. with a spoon
7. listening to triple j
8. reading blogs
9. writing blogs.. oh wait.
10. shopping
11. rolling down a grass hill
12. getting tanned
13. doing something constructive, ie attempting to solve a rubix cube, like you know life changing stuff..
14. running around
15. laughing
16. dreaming, day dreaming, nightmaring
17. colour coding shit
18. base jumping
19. journaling
20. writing endless "to do" lists, then ignore them

Monday, August 29

Frustration.



People.

kill.

me.

Saturday, August 27




That moment, when you realise that you are losing someone,


and you have no idea what you are supposed to do.

Friday, August 26

Monday, August 22





I feel so empty, yet inspired.

Sleepless nights.

This feeling.





Strange, empty, unwelcome.


Deep within my chest. I feel alone, even when surrounded.


What have you done?



This mess.



Feelings broken shattered, splattered across walls.






You don't notice. You wouldn't care.



Its already done.



The lights fade, dimness reigns.












Tuesday, August 16

Afternoons



Coffee and chocolate. Sometimes tea.


I waste the twilight hours of the day, intimate with my vices.


My addictions. The line between the two is blurred, hazy.





And then, the next day, running away my guilt.





Creativity and orinignality. Where have you gone?





Currently reading: The beautiful and the dammed. (again?)


Status? Page eight. I never seem to have the time anymore. And yet, I still waste days, hours, minutes.

Monday, August 15

Space & Time




It makes me sad that we no longer talk.


We were such good friends..






What happened?






I miss you.

The City, Any City

This is the story of a city.






A city which, when viewed from space, was barely a speck; a dot; a bland freckle on the face of the earth. Insignificant, irrelevant and unimportant. A city which was once a bustling cosmopolitan but now lies haggard and forgotten by the world which once revolved around it.

***

Worth cannot be created, nor destroyed.






It is controlled by meaning. Its value created by context. Without meaning, worth cannot exist. This place had little meaning in the world. It was simply just another city. A city with trees, buildings, parks, roads, and children. However, simply because a place is deemed worthless, does not necessarily mean it still doesn’t have any sentimental value. At least for its occupants – well; one occupant in particular.
This occupant is a man. An average man, nothing extraordinary, exceptional or unexpected, nothing to make made him particularly unusual. He was a man, in search of colour, in a greyscale metropolis. He just wasn’t aware of it yet.

***

The sky was a dim wash of grey.






The man paced along the narrow sidewalk, his tall, clumsy frame naturally slouched as his neck strained to see over the shadow-casting scrapers, drowning in their own hazy smog.

His face, like the city, was dull, expressionless, nuzzled into the thick woollen scarf wrapped tightly around his neck. He walked as though his steps had no purpose or destination. He was just one man; one ant, scurrying along the scarred face, in search of nothing in particular.

The city was a place trapped in time, in space. In what it used to be, yesterday’s world – now discoloured. A city old and frail, once an immense beauty - nowadays, faded into nothingness. Its remaining occupants move in habit, programmed and trapped in their own pitiable lives, desperately dreaming of escape.

Its once proud walls lay in rubble, its aged gothic features in a state of decay.

The man sits at a bus stop. Waiting. For what, he isn’t entirely sure. A lump sits on his chest, weighing on his diaphragm. A guilt drawn from within him for a reason which he can’t entirely recall. Something is missing, something has been lost, something of which he cannot remember.
Mid-thought he noticed her. A woman, lips thick, painted blood red, stepping off a silver tin bus. Her dark hair and grey coat blowing softly in the wind. She paused, lips pursed, a hint of both recognition and confusion in her dark eyes as they met his.

***

His eyes were blue, the colour of the ocean on a clear summers day.






Immediately pulling her into the memories buried deep in her sub-conscious. A time far away, in a world of colour, her childhood, which now in hindsight, felt like a rose coloured summer haze.
For a moment she remained lost, tumbling through the chest of trapped recollections. A time where she felt safe in the beautiful city. Each alley way full of children playing, laughing, and holding the potential of a new favourite cafe, a familiar book shop. Not a dangerous place where mace sprays is compulsory.

***

The man stopped in contemplation.






Her lips were the colour of the red delicious apples he stole from his neighbour’s farm as a child. A time of naive mischief, where he would sprint through the orchards, with flushed crimson cheeks, giggling at the livid curses from the farmer’s wife.
Hand in hand with younger siblings, practically dragging them through the paddocks, home, where their scorning mother would be waiting. Their stomach’s gurgling with delight, which they always paid for later. The man remembered always taking the blame. Protecting little Aggie and Richard, from the wrath of both his mother and Mrs Cobb. The same siblings which he hadn’t seen in years, since the death of their father.

Memories fashioned from a time distant from this current reality. A time of manners, of reputation, of kindness and closeness. A time where colour reigned.

***

Two complete strangers stood faced on the pavement.






She with cherry lips, and he with sapphire eyes, locked in reminiscence. Both at the same time, completely aware and unaware of the sheer magnitude of emotion being evoked by the mere presence of colour.

***

As the setting sun pulled away from the clouds, the sky became a wash of misty purple, splashed with vibrant orange and fuchsia, projected unto the city.






The city glistened and sparkled with the worth of a cherished gemstone.

Christchurch

It began as a grid, a mere sketch, a clutter of scratched pencil marks, she was designed on paper. From that, she emerged, a city; clean, British, aged with heritage.

Her main street is narrow and lined with trees, twinkling fairy lights drape their braches; their dense canopies lightly capped with snow. It feels as if it’s all a dream. The road seeing little traffic; waits, watching the night. Alleys branch from it, alleys which carry lifeblood into the town.

A glowing haze washes over the little city. Small yet proud. A serene, warm, and welcoming place. Still and calm. A place, a life time away. Before the devastation, before it was broken, shattered and destroyed. Before the hurt. A time, a place, now so far away, it remains fading, in memories, in photographs.

Children ran with rosed cheeks, choking with laughter, crisp from the cool air. Tossing handfuls of snow at one another; exploding lightly into a powdered mist, prior to impact. Their laughs echoed through the street into the dimly lit alleys.

Warm thick coco slides into stomachs of onlookers, warming their insides whilst they enjoy the final moments of the evening. As the sun sets on a peach and cream sky.

The buildings petite, old yet cosy, calling passersby to stop and admire them, to come inside, to share the twilight hours.

As the elderly church bell chimed into the still night, the city slept. Peaceful, quiet, blessed.

Now in stark daylight, she waits, ugly, torn. Wilted, cracked and destroyed. The once proud and beautiful city lays in devastation in rubble. Giant cracks tore through her delicate face, her mouth dry, parched, begging for water.

Her eyes weep for her lost children.





She lies, chained, screaming, in wait of her saviour.

Sunday, August 14

Why I write..

It starts with an idea, a concept, a single thought.







Usually found in a dream, or




In the shower.

This substance, drawn from within me,
Grows, builds and changes shape. Tumbling and bouncing in my mind.

Until,
I can’t take it anymore.

And it spills unto the page.


There it will remain, a scribbled mess, trapped in the page.
Eventually it is called upon, reshaped, reworked – into something acceptable, neat

But never complete.

***


Once there was a phase, I attempted to stop writing.
Completely.
It was an invasion. Into my conscious; my sub-conscious.

I felt exposed, naked. Open to ridicule.
So I stopped.
I put away my pens,
Destroyed my journals,
And tore the inspiration from my walls.

Then, one day, I realised

I can’t escape it.

“The blood jet is poetry and there is no stopping it” (Plath, 1962)
It travelled through my mind like a fret train.

Now I write.

I have a single corkboard. Exploding with layers of inspiration, spilling onto my walls, of which, I attempt to contain, protect, hide.

I still fight it.





Plath, Sylvia, Poem ‘Happiness’ Published in the 1962 collection ‘Ariel’.

August.

It must be the time of year. The weather perhaps.

Because three years now, I always decide blogging is a good idea.
Pity I am too unmotivated/lazy/forgetful/unimaginative to keep it going for very long.

It always seems to be for the same reasons as well, procrastination or too keep someone else happy. Which once again, I am blogging because I feel like no one reads this and my journalism lecturer guilt tripped me into it. And my law readings aren't looking very attractive right now..

Journalism seems pretty hostile at the moment,


Oh the future is bleak!

"When you can't get published, Blog!"


It all the same; I'm bursting with ideas,

Im determined to make friends with commitment however due to my somewhat unorganised nature, it normally falls to pieces.


No. Starting today, right now, I'm turning over a new leaf,

No more being an hour late to class.

No more messy untidiness

No more chaos.


I shall be a model student (Ha!)